


Coevolution: Consonants, Vowels, and Denial

by unkissed



Series: Coevolution [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bromance, Coming Out, M/M, POV First Person, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 16:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4107130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkissed/pseuds/unkissed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regardless of how one pronounces it, Scorpius is floating on a big river in Egypt.  Albus is rather fond of Scorpius' diction.</p><p>In which Albus comes out to Scorpius and gets a best friend forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coevolution: Consonants, Vowels, and Denial

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [When I'm with you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2609369) by [ColorfulStabwound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulStabwound/pseuds/ColorfulStabwound). 



> Thank you to my friend, muse, and writing partner, Colorfulstabwound. All the OC's and Scorpius' line about Albus being Polaris were borrowed from Colorfulstabwound with much gratitude and respect.
> 
> To Scorpius, The Slytherin Prince of Egypt

** “Consonants, Vowels, and Denial” **

 

It’s the way that he talks, with a smooth lilt to his voice, which makes me want to listen to anything and everything he has to say, even if he’s reciting potions ingredients.  It’s the low gravelly sound at the end of his sentences, the jaunty upswing of his inquiries, the aristocratic way he accents his consonants, and the voluptuous roundness of his vowels.  I could listen to Scorpius talk all day long - and I have.

 

Sometimes, when I’m quiet, when I respond to him with single-word answers, he thinks I’m in a foul or introspective mood. But most of the time, I’m just listening to him.  His voice is music without singing, melody in his own unique key.

 

It’s not just how he speaks, it’s what he says. Scorpius has always had the uncanny ability to make me feel both wonderful and awful in the span of three sentences. This is one of those instances.

 

“You’ve always been different and special to me,” says Scorpius with a smile that makes my pulse race with joy and my heart swell with hope.  “This just makes you _more_ different and special.”

 

He takes my hand and laces our fingers together. This is not a new gesture – we’ve always been close like this.  But this time, the feel of his hand folded together with mine sends a rush of color to my cheeks. I’m so happy I could die.

 

Scorpius’ eyes stare through to my soul and I feel that he is reading my every emotion.  The fact that his gaze is steadfast and that he doesn’t recoil reassures me almost as much as his words.  I swallow hard in the seconds of silence that hang heavily between us. All I want to do is close the short distance separating us and kiss him.

 

But then he says cheerily, “You’ll always be my best mate.  Nothing will ever change that.  It doesn’t matter to me that you’re gay.”

 

And in the same breath, Scorpius has managed to deflate my swollen heart and extinguish the light in my eyes.

 

He hugs me tightly, and I’m both relieved and disappointed that his embrace is exactly the same as it has always been. We’ve always been affectionate friends with no physical boundaries. I had hoped that coming out to Scorpius would make him _more_ affectionate.

 

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me retrace our steps and look at exactly how we got here.  Along the way, I shall try not to get hung up on how Scorpius’ voice does _things_ to me.

 

 

~//~

 

This is how it all starts, in the minutes before my thirteenth birthday, on the great lawn of the Hogwarts grounds, beneath a vast, glittering blanket of stars.

 

“Polaris is like you, Albie, don’t you see?” Scorpius says, after he’d pulled me out of bed in the quiet, cold hours of the night to show me the North Star.  “You are the brightest star I have ever met and I just know that one day, everyone will know your name.”

 

When he whispers these words, both whimsical and wistful in the same breath, I see myself in his silver-blue eyes. The way he says it, he makes me believe it right down to my soul.  My heart swells so large that it monopolizes all the space in my chest and I can hardly breathe.  My emotions form a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow.  I’m absolutely speechless and smiling like an idiot.

 

Maybe, just _maybe_ , Scorpius thinks I’m almost as wonderful as I think _he_ is.

 

I am his brightest star.

 

If I have nothing else but Scorpius’ admiration, I’d still be the happiest boy on Earth.  Dreams of fame matter little, next to Scorpius’ opinion of me.

 

It is now, in this moment, swollen with emotion, buzzing with the exhilaration of diving headlong into adolescence, that I have one hell of a revelation.  All these feelings that I have been harboring for my best mate, the ones I’ve been suppressing and denying for nearly a year, amount to more than a misguided crush. 

 

I am hopelessly, ridiculously, unfortunately, terrifyingly, deeply in love with Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy – a _boy_.

 

Everything is wonderful. And everything hurts.

 

I won’t sleep tonight.  I will spend the first hours of my birthday dissecting what Scorpius had said, trying to interpret every inflection, accent, pronunciation, and syllable of every word, in hopes of figuring out what Scorpius feels for me. I will alternate between grappling with Scorpius’ feelings and grappling with my own.

 

 

Having an older brother, I’ve known for quite some time now what other boys think about girls.  I have never shared their thoughts.  I had hoped that I was just a late bloomer. But when I met Scorpius, he had awakened all those latent thoughts and feelings that I was supposed to have towards girls. 

 

I remember when I was eleven I had managed to make Scorpius smile for the first time.  It wasn’t very difficult, but it still felt like a triumph - it made me feel warm and bright inside, like Scorpius had lit a candle inside my chest. Ever since then, he’d given me that feeling with every smile, every laugh, every fond glance, and every affectionate touch.

 

 

I am in love with my best friend. Perhaps I have always been in love with him. I am surprised to find that acknowledging this fact changes nothing about me. 

 

As night turns to morning on the fifteenth of November, I resign myself to a startling fact that I’d always been aware of.  I’m exactly like the other boys that slumber in their beds around me.  Except, I’m gay.  I am Harry Potter’s gay, Slytherin son.  And, damn it, I’m not going to be ashamed of it.

 

I’m ridiculously happy once I admit this to myself. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my back.  I spend the next few days as I always do – with Scorpius every step of the way. Only now, I’m looking for signs – signs that he might fancy me, signs that he fancies boys in general. He shows no interest in anybody – not anyone besides me, that is.  But I can’t figure out if he’s _interested-_ interested, or just doting on me the way a best friend would.

 

 

I ask the only person that I trust won’t lie to me about relationships.  James. As much as it pains me to have to talk to him at all, he’s the only person I know who has experience.

 

I find him in the Great Hall and wedge my way next to him on the bench, nudging aside one of the girls that always seems to be hanging around him – Catie, or something.  “How do you know when somebody fancies you?” I ask.

 

“I’ll tell you right now, Al – There isn’t a girl in this entire school who is idiotic enough to fancy you, so you’ve no need to worry about that, little brother,” he says, and flashes a smirk at the girl who’s giggling next to me.

 

I roll my eyes and grumble, “I’m serious, Jamie. I need to know. How can I tell if _anybody_ fancies me?”    I worry my bottom lip and add, “– not just girls?”

 

Catie answers in his stead. “You know how I can tell if a boy fancies me?  He treats me like rubbish.” She gives James a pointed look, and I find myself uncomfortably in between them making eyes at each other.

 

“Ugh, you’re no help,” I say, throwing my hands up in exasperation.  “You’re a useless big brother.”  I remove myself from between James and Catie and return to the Slytherin table.

 

I spend much of dinner moping inconsolably. Not even Scorpius can cheer me up. Just when I’m about to sulk back to the Slytherin dorms to do my homework, James plops down next to Scorpius on the nearly empty bench and says, “Get lost, Blondie, I need to have a word with my brother.”

 

Scorpius sniffs haughtily and leaves with our dorm mates, who are already making their way out of the Great Hall.

 

Once Scorpius is out of earshot, James says, “I’m not stupid. I’m pretty sure I know why you asked me what you just asked me.”

 

“You don’t know me,” I mutter, crossing my arms and pouting petulantly.

 

James scoffs.  “I can read you like a fucking large-print book. You’re head over bloody heels for your little blond friend.”

 

I shrug.  “Maybe.”  If my actions hadn’t given me away, surely my blush does.

 

“Word of advice, Albie – Just because somebody is gay, it doesn’t mean they fancy you.  Just like a straight bloke doesn’t fancy every single girl that shows remote interest.”

 

I narrow my eyes at him in confusion. “That’s all fine and well. But what does that have to do with me?”

 

James rolls his eyes.  “I know you’re not straight.  I knew it the moment you pranced into the world.”

 

“I do _not_ prance,” I say stiffly.

 

“Anyway, you’re not straight,” James reiterates dismissively, “And I’m willing to bet that Malfoy is also not straight. But you’d better be careful.” James gets really serious all of a sudden and I wonder what he’s been through to make him speak in the sage way of somebody who has been there.  “If you make a move on him and he’s not interested, you might lose your best mate.”

 

I sigh and let my chin fall sullenly to the table on my folded arms.  “So what am I supposed to do?”

 

“Tell him you’re hot for some other bloke and see how he reacts,” James advises.

 

I raise an incredulous brow at him. “You’re telling me I should lie to my best mate?”

 

“Do whatever the fuck you want. I don’t bloody care either way if you ruin your stupid _bromance_ ,” James replies with a bored air.  “It’s just a little white lie.  I’m sure there’s somebody else you’re keen on.  Tell him you’ve got it bad for Sebastian.  Everybody has it bad for Sebastian.  Well, everybody that doesn’t have it bad for _me_ , which isn’t many people, but nevertheless…”

 

The crazy thing is that I can’t think of one person that I’m remotely attracted to, other than Scorpius. And I can’t bring myself to lie to Scorpius in order to get information out of him – it is a wonder that I was sorted into Slytherin.

 

So I take none of James’ advice, despite the fact that it likely pained him to give it to me.  I don’t tell Scorpius that I’m in love with him.  I don’t tell him that I’ve got a crush on some other bloke. I tell him what I have always told him – what I rarely tell anyone else.  The truth.

 

~//~

 

“Scorpius, I think I’m gay,” I tell him a few days after my birthday.  Though I don’t just _think_ it – I _know_ it with every ounce of my being.   This is who I am.

 

And so we’re back where we left off.

 

I latch on to one part of what Scorpius has said to me.  _You’ll always be my best mate.  Nothing will ever change that._

If Scorpius fancies me, he wouldn’t have said that.  But at the very least, he accepts me.  And that’s what’s most important, isn’t it?  Except it’s not. I feel like a shitty friend for not being able to accept _his_ resolute lack of romantic feelings towards me.  I don’t want to always be his best mate.  I want more. Perhaps it is Slytherin ambition, or simply Potter stubbornness, that makes me believe I _can_ change things.

 

 

In the days following my _coming out_ , nothing changes between Scorpius and me. He still takes my hand and laces our fingers together as we walk in the corridors.  He still sits with his head resting on my shoulder when we take up our usual two-person sofa in the Slytherin common room.  He still finishes my sentences and dips his chips into my ketchup and lets me copy his class notes and laughs at my dirty jokes even though he doesn’t understand them and shares my bed on nights when he can’t sleep alone and _IT DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL._

“Normal people don’t do these things, Al – you _do_ know that, don’t you?”

 

Alexa Montague manages to put into words the jumble of confusion and emotion that has been swirling around inside of me and manifesting in the tortured look on my face.  I needed answers and what better person to get them from than Scorpius’ closest friend?

 

“When normal people carry on the way you and S carry on, it’s really gross, and it’s called dating.  You and Scor are one snog away from being boyfriends,” she says sharply, as if its obviousness is offensive.

 

“I _know,_ Lex!” I say with all the exasperation that had been building up for days. “I told him I’m gay and he was like, _yeah that’s cool we’ll always be friends._ So explain to me what it means!”  I grab fists-full of my own hair and whine dramatically.

 

“I hate to break it to you Albie, but it means that Scor is one-hundred-percent certifiably in denial,” Alexa says flatly, “Or he’s just not capable of being interested in anybody _that way_. Given his fucked up parents and those dodgy genes of his, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

 

“You think he fancies me but he doesn’t want to admit it to himself?” I ask, picking out the tiny threads of hope in her statement, trying to weave them into something that will make me feel better.

 

Not that Alexa is the sort of friend that is good at consoling.  “No, I think he can’t see you as anything other than a friend because he’s literally incapable of it. It has nothing to do with you or the fact that you’re a boy.  And he’ll keep on being touchy feely with you even though he knows it might give you the wrong impression because he is in denial of _your_ feelings.”

 

My eyes widen for a moment. “Gods, you won’t tell him that I fancy him, will you?”

 

“Oh, of course not,” she huffs, offended that I’d even question her trustworthiness.  “But even if I did, he’d just tell me that I’m daft.  Denial runs deep in the Malfoy family.  Or so I’ve heard.”

 

Scorpius’ denial is so deep that it is ingrained into his bloody psyche.  This fact becomes glaringly apparent the night I decide to come out to Duston. He likely knows already, given how close he is with his twin sister and with Scorpius.  But I’d rather tell him myself so that he doesn’t have to walk around with a secret that he’s not supposed to know.

 

The four of us are gathered in the Slytherin common room one evening, taking up our usual seats next to the towering windows that look into the lake, avoiding the inevitability of homework.

 

“So are you telling me that you and Scor are _a thing_ now?” Duston asks for clarification, not disturbed in the slightest.

 

I glance over at Scorpius, who is sitting very closely beside me with a completely unaffected look on his face. I chuckle nervously as I scratch the back of my head and return my attention to Duston. “Erm, no.  Why would you say that?”

 

Duston shrugs and mumbles as he scribbles absently on his parchment, “I don’t know.  Maybe it’s because you two share a bed and stuff.”

 

Alexa sharply raises an eyebrow at Scorpius and smirks.  “You share a bed _and stuff_? I didn’t know this, S.”

 

“There is no _and stuff_ ,” I clarify, “No _stuff_ happening in my bed.  Just sleeping.”

 

“Right,” Duston says with a small nod, glancing up at the ceiling as if he’s figuring it all out.  “You guys aren’t ‘together’, per se.  But you do everything together.  You even sleep together every other night, but there’s no _stuff_ between you.”

 

“Exactly,” Scorpius answers brightly, draping his arm over my shoulders and squeezing.  “Best mates forever.”

 

“Best mates,” Duston reiterates with a grin that’s much too astute for my liking.  “Meanwhile, you and I have been best mates since we were in nappies, and even then, we never shared a bed.”

 

“You jealous, D?” Scorpius teases.

 

“Nope,” Duston replies, letting the end of the word pop.  “I’m just amused, is all.”

 

Scorpius’ back straightens defensively. “Do you have a problem with Albie and I sharing a bed now that you know he’s gay?  Because I have no problem with it and neither should you.”

 

Duston chuckles and shakes his head. “Gods, no.  Simmer down, S.  I’ve no problem with Al.  There’s a big river in Egypt and you’re floating on it.  That’s all I’m saying.”

 

Alexa snorts a laugh behind closed lips.

 

Scorpius crumples up his parchment and throws it at Duston playfully.  “You’re not as funny as you think.”  Despite his words, he’s laughing.

 

Scorpius can keep on laughing. As long as he keeps me close and lets me revel in the jubilant sound of it, he can laugh his denial away until it’s all we know. 

 

Because I can live with just being Scorpius’ best mate, as long as he means it when he says _forever_.


End file.
